Perspectives 1

When I me or your hear about an extra marital affair..


If its a male 

He must be frustrated in life.
He must not be getting the required support at home.
He must have got a really better option.
What can he do if someone else is behind him like crazy!
Men are like that .. its okay!
He'll be back home in sometime...all this is just temporary!


If its a Female

She is a characterless.
She must have been like this, even before marriage.
She should have been patient, ups and downs happen.
If she was stressed, she could have talked it out with someone, there are so many people around us.
She is too ambitious.
She might be needy in terms of finances.
She should have thought about the reputation of the family.
She should have thought about her children, what effect would it have on them.
She has brought disrepute to the entire family, relatives and also neighbourhood.
Her family would never forgive her.
Her husband is so good!
She looks so innocent, never thought she could so this!
Poor family, its like a blot on them for the lifetime, may God give them the strength to cope with it!



We need to give ourselves a reality pinch.
This might happen with your sister, friend or some relative OR
your brother, friend or some relative.

For heaven's sake please don't be judgemental.

Let them be!

Kanya Bhoj

KANYA BHOJ

O manushya

kanya khilane ki taiyaari kar raha hai?

pichli navtari se is navratri tak 

kitni deviyon ko pooja hai tune?

kokh mein beti ko maarna nahi 

yeh kehte ghoomta tha naa tu?

kokh se bahar aane k baad 

kitni betiyon ki raksha ki hai tune?

betiyon ko padhne do khelne do 

jeene do yeh kehte ghoomta tha naa tu?

kitni betiyon ko chulhe chauke

aur parivaar k bich apni icchayein 

hom karne se roka hai tune ?

betiyan rehne se jeevan sundar rehta hai 

yeh kehte ghoomta tha naa tu?

tab dusre ki beti ka jeevan 

sundar kyu nahi bana paaya tu?

betiyaan bojh nahi hoti yeh bhi 

toh kehte thakta nahi tha tu?

apni byaahta ko bojh kehne aur use 

yeh sunane se kyu nahi thakta tu?

beti parivaar ki aan hoti hai 

yeh kehta aur maanta bhi toh tha tu!

fir dusre parivaar ki aan ki aankh mein 

aansoon aane se kyu nahi rok paaya tu?

Apni beti Apni maa Apni behen aur 

Dusre ki beti sab ek hi toh hai manushya

lekin aurat aurat mein aur 

rishte rishte mein fark karne 

se khudko kaha rok paaya tu ?

Mera parivaar mere parivaar ki beti

Dusre ka parivaar Dusre parivaar ki beti

bas isi uljhan mein reh gaya tu 

Har roop Devi ka hai

yeh kaha jaan paaya tu

Samajsewa ki shuraat ghar se kar manushya

ghar ki mahilaaon ko sukhi kar manushya

tu dekhna saare devta khud hi tar jaayenge

Bhavsagar paar ho jayega

lekin shayad tujhse yeh na ho paayega

tu toh sirf Navratri pe Kanya bhoj karayega!!

Random musings - 2

सुनो . कुछ कहना था..सुना दिल्ली जा रहे हो. . सुना है वो दिलवालों की नगरी है.. एक दिल ले के आना वहां से मेरे लिए .. छोटा सा प्यारा सा. . सुन्दर ना हो तो भी चलेगा.. जो मेरे हंसने पे हँसे.. मेरे रोने पे रोए.. और कभी कभी आंसू भी पोंछे और हाँ जब कहू के बात सुन लो.. तो पूरी बात और फ़िर कह दे.. छड ना यार मिट्टी पा.. मैं हूँ ना..और देख ये जीवन है बच्चे.. जो कम ज़्यादा ना हुआ.. तो पता है ना सीधी लकीर को ECG की भाषा में क्या कहते हैं ? कहते हैं जीवन समाप्त.. और बस मैं चहक जाऊं !

Random musings - 1

लिख लिख के ही जीवन का सच बताना
 पड़ता है जनाब. ... .
 सुन ने की किसी को फ़ुर्सत नहीं ..
बताने की हम में हिम्मत नहीं..
डर लगता है लिखा हुआ कहीं वो पढ़ न ले ..
 फ़िर लगता है .. क्यूँ डर के जीने के उन
कीमती लम्हों को जाया करें ..
सच तो सच है .. पढ़ने के लिए फ़ुर्सत नहीं
 दिल चाहिए जनाब और वो तो
 आज कल किसी के पास नहीं ..

The news! - part 2

A car arrived in the porch area of her home.. her daughters were sleeping..she informed her in-laws that she was leaving to meet her husband.

When she got in the car she found her husband dressed impeccably.. as usual.. and she said to herself..
Gosh I could fall in love with this man forever!

Her husband took her to a beautiful lounge area.. 
she had never been there..It was beautiful..well lit well decorated..

They sat down. She was brimming with happiness. She couldn't think when was the last time they sat like this and spent time ..and she was again feeling so fresh and so young!

Her husband then told her that he wanted to discuss something very important.. 

his serious looks took away the smile from her face...

A very beautiful young female approached their table and her heart started racing when she placed herself right next to her husband.

She was actually very beautiful.. more beautiful than she was.. more beautiful than she could think of..

And her husband started speaking..

" I wanted to give you a news"

"I was trying to tell this to you since a long time.. This girl has been in my company's Human Resources department since about 5 years. She has helped the company in the most difficult times and has been a strong pillar of support for me as well. We attend our business meetings together.. and now I have decided to stay with her. I would keep giving you the expenses .. no matter how much you need.. but you have to take care of your daughters and my parents both, just that I don't want to stay with you anymore!

Instead of creating a hue and cry about it.. you could just go home and live your life the way you want to.

If you wish to start some new venture of yours.. I am ready to help you with that also.

Just that I never found myself happy with you...

but with this female I find myself happy every second."

In her mind she started sinking... her world was coming to an end.. in the most subtle manner it could..she took a deep breath..drank a glass of water, got up and with great difficulty moved towards her car.. when she sat in the car she felt as if her mind and body both had become numb!

On her way back home a million thoughts flashed in her mind.. 
her job ...
her boss ...
her parents ...
her marriage ...
her 2 beautiful daughters ..
her bed-ridden mother-in-law her father in law.. 
the beautiful lady she met today..

she felt as if she was dying a thousand deaths every second..

She reached her home...

Should she call her parents.. but she was their only daughter..how could she tell them this had happened to her?!

Should she tell her in-laws? 

But what if they don't agree or just laugh it off? 

She slept.. and felt she would never get up. 

The first time - Part 1

2001

SLAP!

Shashank slapped her on her face and she fell on the floor.

Pragya went numb...

Was this happening to her!

Was it her loving husband who was doing this?

What had gone wrong?

She would have cried very badly if she was physically more hurt.. but she was mentally torn..

It had been just 3 months to their marriage..

Their's was a love marriage.. isn't a love marriage supposed to be the one that has all the goody features in it.

Her mother did ask her to think twice about the guy, as he looked behaved and acted very possesive about her..

Her father couldn't say anything because his only daughter was hell bent on marrying him. The only thing he told her was - "Please do take care, and always remember , we are there for you"

Pragya was a homemaker for about 1.5 months and then she realized, she could very well restart her teaching career. 
She thought of applying for a job..luck favored her and she got selected within a week.

Shashank did not like this idea, he even confessed this 

"It is a big bad world out there, you don't know what type of people are there.. trust me, my salary would be good enough for both of us"

Pragya replied "Its not about salary, I like teaching, and I shall be working in a school, probably the safest place to work, please don't get worried about me. And I was teaching when we met 3 years back in Pune, isn't it.. so why are you so worried now?"

Shashank didn't say anything but he clearly wasn't in favor of this decision of hers.

Pragya started working with the pre-school section of a very renowned school.

The principal was a sensible female in her late fifties whereas the administrator was a young dashing guy in his late 20's.

Shashank was very skeptical as to how would this new guy behave with Pragya, but she assured him all would be well.

First few weeks, Pragya managed everything well, home, cooking, managing all the other errands herself and that too very well. Then she started getting exhausted, but neither did she complain nor did she ask Shashank to help her.. 
as she was scared this could backfire !

You could consider it a bad luck that the administrator guy shifted into their campus in the other building. Shashank started behaving very differently since then.

One evening - when Pragya was taking her casual evening walk in the campus and the administrator guy also joined her.

Shashank came early from office that day. He saw them walking together, called Pragya and asked her to come and home and help him with something important..

Pragya entered the house 
and this happened!

She couldn't quite analyze what went wrong!

That she had joined the job.. despite of Shashank not agreeing to it..

or that her administrator was a good looking fellow...

or she had chosen the wrong person to get married to

or its okay if Shashank hit her..

he would apologise the next morning and things would be better..

After a lot of thinking she decided that the last option was right..

Shashank did this in spur of the moment..

it was impulsive.. He must be really tired .. 
it would never happen!

With myriad thoughts in her mind ... she slept!

[Part 2 to be continued ]

Mummy ki Saree - Post series

Mummy and everything associated with her is amazing.

And the reason me and my mother repel each other is maybe because of the fact that we are very very similar to each other.. 
As they say - Likes REPEL!

Have been posting about Mummy's sarees and how and when do I wear them on Instagram, since quite sometime.
On seeing my posts a friend advised me to start a blog series in which I post one thing that I learnt from my mumma alongwith a picture of me wearing her saree!

My mother has been a handloom fan since I can remember.. 
The handlooms about which I derived more knowledge after studying a lot from the internet and window shopping... she knew all about it since I don't know when...

Graceful is one word which describes her and always when I don her saree I try to look like her :)

Thought before I start with these posts.. I should put up an introductory post.

Goosebumps

It was my first experience of travelling in a flight!
Though it was an economy class but the thought of travelling in a flight itself was awesome! And that precisely was the reason I was so looking forward to it...

We entered the flight, made ourselves comfortable and voila - The flight took off!
Was it scary.. Hell YES!!! It was scary. 
As it is I am scared of heights and those few seconds when the plane is at 45 degrees was good enough to give me goosebumps..and I recited the Hanuman Chalisa almost 4 times..

The flight took off from Mumbai airport.. 
Oh the beautiful skyline! and the amazing sea...
I had already started dreaming about ... how nice it would have been if I would have been a bird... I could fly above the clouds.. or maybe beneath them or just between them...

The flight attendants started announcing about the Lunch packets to be distributed.. It did get registered somewhere in the back of my mind but
I was so caught up with the window view that I barely paid attention to the Lunch announcements..
And suddenly I realised someone was calling me..
I looked to my left and I became speechless...

Hrithik Roshan's movie "Kaho na pyar hai" had just released..
and this guy the flight steward, who was calling me 
was almost his replica! 
No actually he was a perfect mix of Milind Soman and Hrithik Roshan! 
( If you have been a person who had their teenage during 90's you can get it and you can get it even more if you are a female! )

Gosh... I can't explain it in words..what exactly was I feeling...goosebumps.. hypnotised.. God knows what had happened to me!

Was I seeing this in reality..and then I got reminded ..
he was asking me "Mam, what would be your preference for Lunch? /vegetarian or Non-vegetarian?"

"Vegetarian" - I mumbled, my voice was not even clear to my own ears! Thankgod he understood it (maybe they are experts at lip reading) gave me a very courteous smile, handed me my lunch packet and left!

I felt so happy..... I was like Yayy.. if all flight trips are like this! I definitely want to be a regular traveller !!

And then I saw my mother giving me this I know whats going on expression and then asked me  
"Kya hua, kyu smile kar rahi ho itna..aur tumko sunai kyu nahi de raha tha, us bechare ne 5 baar pucha.. tab tumne jawab diya!?"

I just smiled.. took a deep breath and said 
"Bahut accha lag raha hai sab kuch Mamma...
aur hum kuch soch rahe.. vaise khana accha hai naa...!!"


What reminded me of this.. well Milind Soman has just put up his 1991 modeling days picture on instagram.. and this pic again gave me lmost the same goosebumps..

I came to check on you !

This dates back to 18 years. somewhere in the year 2000.

They were newly married staying in a joint family.

Both were in the same office. And despite of being in the same office their marriage was a thorough arranged one, the probable reason they did not know each other was - 

because it was a big company.. and they were 2 floors apart.

The another very important fact was - they came from home to work, did their work sincerely and then again headed back home.

She often saw her friends hanging out after work, but she knew she had to help her mother with little housework, and not because it was mandatory but because she knew her mother was tired at the end of the day.

Being the eldest son in the family, He knew his parents would be waiting for him to come home and run some errands.. and hence he finished his work and used to leave for home immediately.

Yes there still might be some such species left!

Thanks to some good common family friend, they got married.

She had father-in-law, mother-in-law, 2 brothers-in-law and one sister-in-law who was the youngest and the most pampered child of the household.

(Daughters are almost always pampered, isn't it?)

Initially all was good. She never quite understood - how much work exactly a 'Bahu' should be doing? Still since she knew she was the eldest and it was her duty she kept doing everything, that was assigned to her.

(The funda of feminism and boys should also share house chores, was not that evolved during that time!)

After she finished all the housework, they both used to leave for office together.

One day 

She had some work and had to leave early, and both of them left together.

Before leaving she had finished doing the basic chores - arranging the clothes, dusting, cooking - except for Rotis packing the tiffin for rest of the family members.

When both of them reached the office, they started with their work.

Since they had reached 2 hours early that day

they both went downstairs for a tea-break..

In their 3 months of marriage, this was the first time they had come together in the office tea-zone - to enjoy the office tea break, which usually happened at both of their office tables.. 

they were so happy that instead of spoiling the moment with words, they just had an ear-to-ear smile on their faces.. It was a super happy moment for both of them...

but before they could absorb it properly..

they had someone from the security who came and informed them...

"Sir - aapki sister aayi hain, unko aapse kuch kaam hai"

Both of them asked her to be sent to their tea-zone, so that they could share a nice cup of tea/coffee with her too!

They got up to welcome her but before both of them could utter something

She started speaking in a very soft yet stern tone

"Accha - Bhabhi ghar se aadha kaam karke nikli hain office mein kaam hai yeh bolke - aur aap dono yaha canteen mein time pass kar rahe ho, accha hua I CAME TO CHECK ON YOU before leaving for my college. 

Mummy was right, we need to tell Bhabhi's mother, that she has started making excuses of office work, so that she leaves early and Mummy has to finish the remaining work, and if she continues like this, she might have to discontinue her office"

Saying this .. she left.

Both of them were stunned...

What could they say.

The wife was almost in tears, but then she gathered herself up and went to her table.

The husband knew he was not in a position to say anything, he kept quiet.

They made sure that they reached home early, 

and then as usual she started doing her household work, finished it late at night and came to sleep. It was hard for her to keep her calm infront of her agitated mother-in-law and sister-in-law, but she managed to keep quiet.. her mother always told her 

"When you cant think of something, keep quiet, that always is the best solution"

That night was a very quiet one.

She did know what to think, react, act and finally discuss with her husband.

He did not know - "What led to my mother and my sister think on such a note"

A female narrated this incident to me on a tea-gupshup.

This made me think

Are daughters-in-law the bonded labor that you get with your son's marriage?

Is this what we teach our daughters, who become daughters-in-law?

Is arranged marriage a sort of unspoken contract that the female is not supposed to raise any voice especially when it comes to leaving her work and being the whole and sole entity responsible for housework, despite of there being other females in the household, but who have the title of "IN-LAW"

And whats the big-deal if a newly married couple tries to spend a few moments together, away from everyone else!?

aah the Indian society!

"Donot open the door for anyone"

As a child I remember my mother giving me very crisp instructions, whenever she used to go out.
"Donot open the outer door for anyone! No-one at all no matter how urgent it is!"

We are two sisters. 
And the time I am talking about is 1998 when I was in my  school.

And I always used to think, everyone around is so polite and courteous.. Why is mummy so conserative and so adamant on not opening the door, whenever she's not there.
"Zabardasti ka instruction dete rehti hai jab dekho tab" 
is what I always used to feel!

And one day, Papa mummy and my younger sister had been out for some work and I was alone at home because I had my homework which I was supposed to finish by the time mummy came back home (which was a very obvious thing in late 90' and only the 90's kids would get this!)

We had a double door system, the inner one was a thick wooden door and the outer one was a grilled door. 

It had been hardly 45 minutes since I was alone and one of -Papa's friend arrived. 
He knew Papa Mumma from the time I was 6 months old. So he was like one of the most respectable acquaintances around.

I opened the wooden door and very courteously greeted him Namaste. 
When he asked where is everyone I replied - "Noone is home except me."

He insisted that I should open the grilled door, but I was adamant because I knew very well that I couldn't go against this particular instruction given my Mummy.

I told him almost 8 times - "Uncle I cannot open the door."
(Just imagine his audacity, when a child is telling you, she can't open the door, why was he constantly insisting to do it otherwise...and you know what he himself had 2 daughters!)

The reason he wanted me to open the door, was because he was one of those kanjoos people we knew - who preferred using our landline phone to make some 10-12 odd phone-calls whenever he used to come to our place, and today also he wanted to do the same. 

Using someone else's phone instead of the normal STD PCO was also a thing peculiar to the era of 90's when call rates were more than decent enough for a middle class household.

He kept on insisting that "Beta, bas mujhe 2-3 phone karne hain"
After 8 times, I gave up, after all I was in my 8th std. 
How long could I disobey some elder's instructions!

But thankfully I used my basic commonsense -
I opened the door, our landline phone was in the corner of the drawing room, offered him to go and make the phone calls, whereas I preferred standing right next to the open door. 

He took some 10 odd minutes and then when he was done with the calls, he asked me for a glass of water.

Again I used my common sense and replied - "Uncle aaj paani nahi aaya, kitchen mein bilkul paani nahi hai"
(How intelligent a kid I was!!!!)

I don't remember what exactly was the expression on his face..but after listening to my sort of rude reply, he left.

When everyone arrived home, I had finished half of my homework (such a lazy student I was ..half homework was way too much for one day! ),
the first question that Mummy always asked was 
"Koi aaya toh nahi tha, humari absence mein?"

I got a little scared because I had disobeyed her instruction, but then I thought I did nothing wrong, hence I told her -

"Mr.Xyz had come, I told him I would not open the door, but when he kept on insisting , I opened the door, stood just next to the open main door, he made a few phone calls and then when he asked for water I denied..and then he left" Huhh I was done.

I could see a variety of emotions that appeared on my mother's face and kept changing till the last emotion that came when I finished my sentence - which was a sign of big relief.. the end part of the statement where I denied him a glass of water.

My mother in a very caring yet stern tone told me 
"Beta aaj darwaza khol diya, aaj ke baad kabhi bhi mat kholna, chahe koi paani k liye mar jaaye!"

How happy I was!

And that night for the first time I heard my mother raising her voice at my Father (she usually was always very soft spoken) telling him clearly 

"Aaj ke baad woh Mr.Xyz humko ghar mein nahi dikhna chahiye" and for the first time Papa did not say a word.
I couldn't much get it, as to why was Mummy so terrified of the fact that I had opened the door ...
and why did this small incident lead to a big brouhaha...

You know what was the trigger that reminded me of this incident of my childhood? 

The Muzaffarpur Rape Case...

The rape case where minor girls from the shelter home were drugged, raped several times, by influential people, by people who had musclemen with them..and this happned for quite a long time. 

Poor little girls, had noone to tell them 
"Beta dont open the door"

They were the ones who were forced to enter some HunterWale Uncle's bedroom every night

forced to stay naked, so that they could entertain that Uncle and his friends..

were drugged every night, and had injuries all over their body and their private parts every night..

were denied for food and beaten very badly till they surrendered in-front of the Hunterwale uncle.

This is what money does?
This is what power does?
Why didn't he go to brothels? Why didn't he opt for females who were ready to sleep with him for some amount of payment..
why did he choose these small girls who did not have any caretaker..
Oh I forgot -
they did have a caretaker 
and she was also a FEMALE!

Power Corrupts indeed and takes away all the human values too.

Please spread this message - 
Every female child is ultimately a CHILD
AN INNOCENT CHILD
...Let their innocence not be shattered to pieces...
Protect all females around you if you can, 
and if you cannot protect them atleast 

Raise a Voice and Raise a Noise!

Road mishap - part 1

The recent bus accident which happened on 5th January 2018 in Indore, left a few parents with a wound that would perhaps never heal. Loosing your child and knowing about it through the television media or other people is the worst new for a parent!

Whose fault was it?

1) The school owners who perhaps gave the bus transport service on contract and did not bother to see if the contractual people are doing their work properly or not!
2) The company who took the contract for the buses because they knew the school and the parents would hardly care to see if the buses are regularly serviced or maintained.. unless some mishap happens!
3) The parents who trust blindly the school management and send their children in the school buses without bothering about the servicing and maintenance of the buses !
Or those parents who opt for pickup and drop of their wards themselves !
Or the parents who opt for smaller vehicles like Van for to and fro conveyance to the school knowing the fact that it is one of the most unsafe vehicles!!
4) Obviously we cannot forget the bus-driver... actually its very easy for all of the above people to put the entire blame on the bus driver, since the poor chap was actually poor doesn't have good contacts and sources Per se... and also as he himself became a victim of the accident!
Blame games are easy.

What is tough then?

1) Caring for every child on the road - when you drive!
Please do this whether you are a parent of not ..

2) Obeying traffic rules always - always try to follow the fact "WHAT IF A CHILD IS WATCHING"

3) Report if you see any discrepancy in obeying traffic rules by any of the school buses / vehicles.. 
We have to report rash driving of the bus on the contact numbers given, to the school authority (no matter if your child is in the same school or not) as well as to the Traffic police authority.

4) Be very prompt in asking the school authorities about all the issues that concern the safety of your child - the conveyance, the helping staff, the canteen, the workshops that are being conducted in the school, the teachers, the steps that the school takes in taking care of general health of your child... almost everything that you feel you should know! 

And remember Emails are the documented proof of everything. If you drop emails to the school authorities they are bound to answer it! 
Even if they do not, you have a proof of it in your inbox.

5) Keep reinforcing the traffic rules in the mind of your child and everyone around you. 

Being a mother of a 7 year old these were a few things that I feel if done.. can prevent any further mishaps ..
Only a parent can understand what it is to loose your child.


Make sure your driving is keeping every parent's child safe!

Stay safe Drive safe!